The Top 10 Things You Never EVER Want to Hear from a Competitor Before the Start of a Race

10. The flight from Ethiopia was hell.

9. I’m so crazy tapered right now.

8. Is that what you’re racing in?

7. Just got back from six months of altitude training.

6. Aren’t you a masters runner now?

5. I’d probably go fast today, but I’m 6 months pregnant.

4. Look, they gave me #3…what’s your bib number?

3. Oh, did you have to pay for your entry?

2. Do you know where I go to get into the elite corral?

Cue the David Letterman voice: “And the number one thing ladies and gentleman that you never, ever want to hear from a competitor…”

1. Absolutely anything in Swahili.