Now that cross country season has kicked off you may or may not see the following shenanigans come across your social feed.
Consider this the cross country trend watch of 2018.
Porta Potty Stunts
#PortaPottyChallenge WHAT?! This is insane.
Only in XC...pic.twitter.com/Si7neMSnaC
— SPIKES (@spikesmag) October 4, 2017
I don’t even want to mention the Porta Potties, but it would be a disservice not to prepare you, it was a trend that took off XC season of '17 and is expected to make a hot return. Why cross country runners are so obsessed with Porta Potties, toilet paper, and cramming as many humans as possible into a plastic box filled with human feces is beyond me. Okay, it’s not beyond me… I get that a good portion of race prep revolves around timing a few (if not several) bathroom breaks, and that yes, they can run tragically low on toilet paper. With that being said, I have been at some races where toilets have been on the brink of causing a tiny natural disaster - that natural disaster being a small flood… but a small flood of shit so really how small can that be? One thing I know for sure is you won’t catch me being the base level of a human Porta Potty pyramid. Top tier… maybe. Catch me on a good day.
Almost had it pic.twitter.com/O9PgogFoVh
— MileSplit US (@milesplit) September 15, 2018
The fake falling to make your rise to internet stardom via RunnerSpace or Flotrack gram. I only mention this because I once had a “did-she-even-see-the-steeple-barrier-fall” or “who-made-her-try-steeplechase-fall?” or “she-did-this-for-the-gram-fall” Nope, that was real. And that’s why I take some offense to you falling on purpose. AND even more offense to a casual somersault out of your fall because that just makes my very real fall look that much worse. You’re giving the running world unrealistic falling expectations. What? Now every cross-country runner is supposed to double as a stuntman? No. I refuse.
The kids in the banana suits or hot dog suits or pizza slice suits. What’s their deal? And that’s coming from a woman who owns a shirt that shows a bundle of bananas with “go bananas” in text so it’s not that I don’t love bananas – it’s just that I LOVE competition more and your banana suit at Cross Regionals seems like a slight hinderance to your performance. Who knows though maybe you have a separate mascot PR category which I’d have to respect.
Swimming in the mud pits. Refer to above for concerns of hindering performance… I don’t want a gritty soggy uniform rubbing my skin, there’s already chaffing happening as is.
Unreal Course Records
Katelynne Hart throwing down her meet record at the Richard Spring Invite.
5:10 mile one ▶️10:38 mile two ▶️16:15 mile three pic.twitter.com/n0cxaXv8EG
— MileSplit US (@milesplit) September 18, 2018
The high school prodigies who makes you wonder if the youth are just really convincing robots. All these high school girls running sub 17 5k’s on hard cross country courses!? It’s all a conspiracy man.
There you have it, so don’t say you haven’t been warned…