We're thrilled to reveal our collaboration with our friends in flight, HOKA ONE ONE. The collection includes a version of their Clayton 2 shoe, and a limited edition collab tee, to celebrate a community of women who fly. And to commemorate the partnership, we asked a few women in our community to share their journey taking flight. As runners, and as women.

What follows below are a series of meditations from each of these women titled “Up”. A metaphor for the work, the spirit, the heroine’s journey, and the feeling of flight – Up is a celebration of the individuals, a recognition of the experiences, and a calling to women everywhere – Fly.

NATALIE NIBLER

I’m on my way up.

5-10 years ago, I would have been lying to say that. The goals then were to survive; survive cancer as a teen, the unexpected loss of a parent a year later, transition to college, work in residential direct care (yes I'm still missing hair from having it pulled), almost losing a leg to gangrene (yes there's a ridiculous story with that), and finding my way.                    

It was amongst the surviving that I found running. Running became the one aspect I could somewhat control amidst the chaos in my life. The downside to running was that it birthed some intense fears for personal safety (for instance-being followed on bikes while running, being verbally harassed etc) which then led me to Brazilian jiu jitsu (BJJ). Running and BJJ created the perfect micro environment to begin to see my life differently despite being very Yin and Yang for what they provided me.                                              

I'm a work in progress, I've already come so far and I know I will get closer to figuring out a rhythm.  One strength I've developed and relied on through it all, is to continue to forge ahead despite the detours. But most recently, I've been learning that only I can allow myself to be free. 

Onward and upward. Watch me fly.

SALLY BERGESEN

I'm on my way up.

like a bird on bat wings.

The songbirds are lauded,

but not everyone sings.

If the ground is invisible,

and the sky looks like ore,

what's "up" is irrelevant,

and the ceiling my floor.

KAMILAH SPEARS

I’m on my way up.

I stepped up to the start line of the Santa Monica Classic ready to race. Surrounded by runners chit chatting away, snapping photos, and taking final sips of water, but I suddenly felt alone. I turned to my husband on the side lines, fighting back the tears in my eyes. Why was I doing this again? Why did I want to race? He stepped into the corral and I whispered, “I want this so bad, I want to be strong, I want to run fast,” and he simply responded - “You will.”

Despite being a collegiate cross country and track and field athlete, my running career had been turbulent, full of goals not reached. So, I took three years away from running, before I decided to return. When I laced up again, I wasn’t running for a team, a coach, or my parents, it was simply for me. I became a high school assistant coach and filled my afternoons with the energy of a team, with goals and aspirations I once shared. And I realized, I missed the sport. So, I decided to go for it, on my own terms.

I swapped snoozing for speed work. Extra energy for exhaustion. Late nights for lactic acid. And I felt stronger. Not just physically, but mentally. As a woman, I am much more secure in who I am, and who I want to be. I want to compete at the level I never quite made it to. I’m learning to balance work with coaching and training. A simple sticky note reading, “To: Me. When things get hard, remember, this is for you.”

Onward and upward. Watch me fly.

STEPH BRUCE

I’m on my way up.

Past excuses and obstacles and the barriers of busy.

Beyond self-doubt and skepticism.

I built these wings.

With work.

With sweat and tears.

With two kids and track workouts and life in between.

With the love of my family.

With a belief in myself, and my dream.

Onward and upward.

Watch me fly.

Flyers! This month’s challenge is inspired by hills. In life, we are so attached to data, numbers, times, paces, and hard facts. As runners we crave feedback, splits, and times. Well hills, my friends, hills throw all that out the window. We all need a little variety in our lives and in our training but it can be scary to stray away from routine and the feeling of security. I encourage you to embrace the challenge of hills head on and experience the benefits reaped from going up and over them.

Hill running dates way back to the earliest forms of natural speed work. Hills can be a great tool to work on proper form as you are forced into a good position when your body attempts to climb a hill. The muscles that are recruited and engaged during hills are often referred to as our "fast twitch" or sprint muscles. I dare you to run hard up a hill and not have your glutes, hammys, and calves screaming at you. Screaming in a "go you" kinda way. The great thing about engaging these muscles too is, it's a safer and less injury prone form of workout than running all out 100 to 200m which you would have to do in order to recruit those same muscles.  

I have always loved doing hills before my spring track season begins, as it introduces that element of "speedwork" to your body gradually. Doing 2-3 weeks of one hill session a week can be a great start to stepping onto the track. There are several ways to incorporate hills into your weekly workouts. The biggest things to remember are take the first few reps of a hill workout a little easier and gradually get faster. Our coach likes to sometimes put a cone down at the spot where we finish our first hill rep. The goal is to make it past that each successive interval. Picking the grade of hill depends on how long the hill rep is supposed to be. You'll get an idea when you start running hills that "oh this is a 15 second hill" meaning it's so steep you would not want to run for a minute up this bad boy. And so on with 2-3 minute hills. Your legs will be heavy and your lungs will be burning, but I encourage you to welcome that discomfort and know you'll come out stronger on the other side.

"After climbing a great hill, one only finds there many more hills to climb." -Nelson Mendela

Have you thought: "If I can just get over this conflict in my life, all will be calm and settled." Then to find weeks later you face another challenge? Life is full of crests and valleys and climbs and falls. I have always found if you can push through your mind and body telling you to stop on a run when it hurts, you can handle just about anything that gets thrown your way. The best thing a hill in running (or life for that matter) can do is teach you to weather the storm, and make the commitment to get to the top. Gravity is pulling us down when we're climbing a hill and begs us to back off or give up. The only way way we can experience the reward in this case the view, is to crest the hill. Look back down on what you just accomplished, pat yourself on the booty, and then find another hill to defeat.

This month, I’ll be sharing weekly hill workouts for you to put your body and mind to the test. Be sure to follow @oiselle on Twitter, each Wednesday of this month. Give these workouts a try and share your progress with hashtag: #upandover. 

Wheels Up! 

#WheelsUp17 is a series made for the motivated — a monthly challenge designed to help you see your runway and takeoff. With pro and coach Steph Bruce at the helm, and the power of the Oiselle community by your side — it’s just the right push to help you pull up your wheels and soar!

GET THE MONTHLY SERIES DELIVERED STRAIGHT TO YOUR DIGITAL DOORSTEP:

Oiselle is thrilled to announce the launch of our Bras for Girls charitable donation program. The Bras for Girls mission is to help girls stay active and see physical activity as lifelong pursuit. We plan to donate at least 2,000 sports bras in 2017, and to share educational content about how to accurately choose and fit a sports bra, and understand our changing bodies. In 2018 and beyond, we plan to increase donations and produce "first-bra" designs just for girls.

Oiselle champions the idea of the lifelong athlete, and we especially target timeframes and transitions when girls and women might experience challenges being athletic: post-college, post-childbirth, post-menopause, etc. One timeframe that we have identified is the onset of puberty, when some girls turn away from athletic pursuits.

According to recent research, including a study in the Journal of Adolescent Health, middle school is a crucial fork in the road, during which some stop participating in sports due to their changing bodies. Consider the following:

• 73% of girls report having breast-related concerns regarding exercise and sports
• 87% want to know more about breasts
• Close to half report that their breasts have an effect on their participation in sports
• Families in need may not have the resources or information to purchase a girl's first sports bra^1,2

Self-consciousness, including not having a good sports bra, causes some girls to decrease physical activity - which could have a life long effect. On the other hand, getting a sports bra, learning about breast development, feeling normalized, and continuing to love body movement makes the athletic pathway easier. What a great target for intervention!

Recently, Sally Bergesen and I kicked off our first Bras for Girls event with our friends at Running for a Better Oakland. A fantastic day! The girls ranged from elementary to high school, and first did a circuit session and a 2-4 mile run. Then, Sally and I presented on the power of athletics in the female life, breast development, and how to fit a sports bra (with the help of Volée Leader Sheena Caines). RBO volunteers distributed 300 apparel items, including over 100 bras, to the group. The day exceeded all expectations.

Nancy Philippine, Executive Director of RBO: “Our students were very excited with the donation; they all came out of the house with a big smile and their hands full! On behalf of the RBO community, I want to extend our thanks for all your support.”

Sally grew up the Bay Area, and saw RBO as a great partner: “When we learned about Running for a Better Oakland, we were immediately struck by the value of what this group does. They invite and encourage youth participation in running, across all ages for girls and boys, and get them hooked on moving their bodies. There is nothing more simple and valuable than that.”

Receiving a sports bra at the right time can make a difference in how young girls view sports from that point forward. Oiselle’s goal is to remove the barriers in that formative moment, and to encourage lifelong sport participation. The lifelong benefit of sports has been well documented, driving higher rates of physical health, educational and professional success, spiritual well being, and reduced rates of health problems and illness.

We are looking for your suggestions for organizations that would make great partners: Please share your nominations with us, to spread the bra love! And thank you for your support of our Bras for Girls program!

1. NYT Wellness Piece: Breast and Body Changes are Driving Girls Out of Sports
2. Journal Of Adolescent Health: The Influence of the Breast on Sport and Exercise Participation in School Girls in the United Kingdom

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As part of Oiselle's ongoing mission to demystify and empower the miracle of womanhood (for all women, everywhere, at every stage and cycle of her life), we are thrilled to announce that we have partnered with leading manufacturers of both feminine hygiene and coffee production to create the first ever caffeinated tampon.

"Utilizing a tampon as the delivery vehicle for stimulants to the human body allows for faster uptake through mucosal absorption," states Dr. Sarah Lesko. 

Furthermore, this zero calorie option allows an athlete to run free without any stomach irritation. With no staining and no bad breath, the tampon-caffeine delivery system is so advanced, some male athletes have shown concern about this apparent, gender based advantage.

“GoFlow is the perfect antidote for period-induced lethargy,” states elite athlete and Stanford University Human Biology graduate Lauren Fleshman. “The vaginal tissue is unmatched in its receptivity to stimulants. It's so effective I now plan my key workout and race days around my heaviest flow so I can use 2-4 GoFlows in the 12 hours leading up. In longer distance races, I've learned to swap it out mid-race without breaking stride for an extra boost. I also recommend GoFlow off cycle, to liven up conversations with boring people, or when enduring extended periods of time with small children.”

Oiselle’s team of experts, thought leaders, and elite menstruating athletes worked together for more than a year, and over many a long run, to come up with the just right balance of absorption and infusion.

“We love women. And we love coffee,” states Oiselle’s Founder & CEO Sally Bergesen. “GoFlow is the ultimate solution-based innovation. Is it a performance advantage? Sure. But goddammit, we deserve this.”

Two time Olympian Kara Goucher states, “GoFlow has completely changed the game — and the tampon! It’s what I turn to when I want to change my period into a pick me up. My 90 mile weeks just got waaaay easier.”

The GoFlow delivers 100mg caffeine per hour and is clinically proven to legally boost athletic performance without any jittery side effects. Made with 100% organic, non-GMO, sustainably grown, fair-trade, brushed cotton. Biodegradable. For vaginal use only.

Get in the flow with Oiselle GoFlow, and give your menstrual blahs the kick! 

Illustration: Ellen Forney

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There’s a spring in our step! That time of year when Outdoor Track & Field gets fired up. We can’t wait to cheer on our Haute Volée as they get into the meat of their outdoor seasons. Hear from some of our elites on how they are approaching outdoors and what their current #flystyle faves are!

ALISHA BROWN, 800m

As competition season approaches, I’ve been feeling rather calm. The anxiety and pressures that usually reside in me at the start of season are absent. I have been focusing on keeping my mind sound and focused on the end goal. For myself, a full time working mom, who is going to school and training at the professional/elite level, the odds may seem stacked against me (part of the fun for me); but on the track none of that matters—only the clock matters. I want to really take risks this season. The goal is to race without limits and be completely present in the moment. I want to be the best version of my racing self, mentally and physically. I am going to take it one race at a time, and make the most of each opportunity presented. It is going to be a fun and fast season!

Favorite #flystyle: Verrazano Bra + KG Shorts. The sports bra and shorts look is liberating for me. It's me embracing all of me. I was embarrassed of my stomach (despite the abs) after having my son, because of the extra skin and new tiger stripes (stretch marks). But I had to have a heart to heart with myself, and I learned to not only accept, but love my new powerful body... I'm a mom! 

EMILY OREN, Steeplechaser

I am so excited for outdoor season because with outdoor comes the steeplechase! I will be working towards running a fast 1500 and 5k to give myself some confidence. Everything is going to lead up to outdoor USA's where I will run steeple for the 3rd time at that stage. As long as I can see progress happening during outdoor (like I saw indoor), I will be happy!

The Snap Flyout Tank is by far my favorite. The color is bright and cheery and it is so lightweight that I don’t even notice it on. This tank makes me feel great whether I’m stuck on the treadmill (since Michigan spring is not always that nice) or outside on a sunny day.

SASHA GOLLISH, 800m, 1500m, and 5000m

What am I looking forward to? Hurting so good! There is something really intense about the track. I’ve thought a lot about what my weakness is in the 5000m on the track, and the answer is: managing the discomfort. It’s not like a road race. If you start to really hurt before 400m to go, you still have to go by the finish line before you actually finish. I find that very intimidating; especially when you add in people all trying to encourage you when your legs are screaming back at you. To be great you have to manage discomfort, that pain. So I’m looking forward to the pain and learning to work through it. 

Single Favourite Piece: The Lesko Bra. Best bra ever. Comfy. Good Coverage. Love the hole in the back for some breathing.

MEL LAWRENCE, Steeplechaser

I'm focusing on getting faster in the events that surround the steeple (1500m + 5k). To be a great steepler, you need the 1500m for speed and the 5k for strength. While the steeple will still be my main focus, I'm looking forward to working on those two distances a little more than I did last year.

Favorite spring style... I love the New Strider Short, and in particular the Slate Stick print. And Summer Rogas! It actually feels like I'm not wearing shorts. I know everyone keeps joking about it, but it's true.

ALEXINA WILSON, Steeplechaser

I am excited for the outdoor season because I have a little more experience running the steeplechase year compared to last, which has me feeling confident! I'm looking forward to having a chance to race some other events as well, like the 1500 and possibly even a 5k!

My favorite spring flystyle is definitely the Spring Wazzie Wool Racerback Tank. It's just so versatile. It is a great base layer for a chilly spring morning run but it also a stylish top that you can layer with just about anything for a fun spring look.

MEGAN CLARK, Pole Vaulter

My goals for April and May are to become more consistent, confident, and comfortable on the runway. I'm really looking forward to traveling and competing with friends and gearing up for USAs!

I love love love the Aero Jacket, Flyte Shorts, and Lesko Bra. I would live in them I I could.

COLLIER LAWRENCE, Steeplechaser

"I'm excited to be back on the track while still exploring other distances off the track. A few events this winter gave me an idea of where I could head after the steeple but I still have some track legs in me that need a few spins and splashes on the oval." 

Current #flystyle fave is the Pleat Tank. When you're rushing place to place, this tank keeps you cool and looking fresh for any type of run, work, meeting combo day to day life will throw your way.

DOM JACKSON, 800m 

April and May are packed with fun and fast races! I'm looking forward to kicking everything off with the Stanford Invite. April also will bring 400 races leading into my first 1500m race in May. Overall I'm just excited to compete, have fun, and enjoy every race that's coming up. June is the goal and competing at home in Sacramento is going to be awesome! 

My favorite spring go-tos at the moment are the Pocket Jogger Capris. They are the perfect tights for the gym or the street. A girl can never have too many pockets! 

CHRISTINE BABCOCK, 5000m

Whether it is on the roads or the track, racing this spring is about getting back into it and experiencing the joy of it. I know I need to work on the confidence piece of standing on the starting line and believing that I belong there, so racing will give me the opportunity to improve on that. I hope to gain confidence, test my fitness, and enjoy the process along the way!

My favorite spring #flystyle piece is the Summer Rogas. The Rogas have been my favorite Oiselle piece since 2013, but the Summer Rogas take it to the next level! They take the same fit as the Rogas and combine it with fabric that is so lightweight & breathable that it feels like you are not wearing anything. The second I tried them on, I knew I was going to be buying the other two colors (which I promptly did).

MARISA HOWARD VANDERMALLE, Steeplechaser

I can't wait to step onto the track and see all the winter and spring training come to life! We just started working on some hurdle drills; it is so fun to "get the feet wet" again for the first time! It is always a little nerve wracking hurdling for the first time again, but it all comes back like riding a bike. My goals are to get to the starting line healthy, run some fast PR's in the 1500, get a shiny new 800 PR since I haven't run one since high school, and qualify for the final in the 3000m Steeplechase at the US Championships to give myself a shot to make the World Team. Can't wait to fly fast this spring!

Favorite #flystyle is the Flyout Tank! I love how light it is, plus the Snap adds some pep to my step during hard workouts.

BRIT HENRY, Hammer Thrower

I will be opening up at the end of April or beginning of May. I'm looking forward to going fast again and testing myself to execute my cues on meet day. My overall goal for the year is to compete relaxed and confident, when I do that, the distance will be there.

By far my favorite #flystyle spring piece is the is the Flyte Tank in Coast. I'm In love with the color and I never pass up a chance to show my “guns” off. The look wouldn’t be complete without a pair of Lux Track Pants. Comfortable, classy and durable.

MARIA MICHTA COFFEY, Race Walker

I will be starting my outdoor 20k season on April 2nd in Philadelphia for the USA Pan Am Cup Race Walk Trials: the top 4 athletes will be named to Team USA and will compete in the Pan Am Cup May 13-14th in Lima, Peru! While the team competition will be stiff, Team USA is capable of putting together one of its strongest teams ever and looks to podium again.

Current #flystyle favorite: Flyout Tank! From the moment I felt the fabric I knew this tank would be a winner. I have a feeling it will give the Go Tank some serious competition this summer when I want something light and airy that won't get heavy and saturated with sweat. I also really love the silhouette of it too. It's not skin tight but has just the right amount of relaxed free fall. The colors are perfect, too... I own all 3 colors! 

JAMIE CHEEVER, Steeplechaser

My goals for April and May are to get started on steeple workouts, get in some good speed, rust bust some races, and get ready to kick butt in June!

My favorite piece is the Flyout Tank because the material is so light, yet still wicks all the sweat. And I love how the front and back are sewn together at the bottom of the shirt. I like the curves as opposed to the straight edges

MEGAN ROLLAND, Steeplechaser

I usually open up the outdoor season with a 1500 - a great race to practice tactics while staying in that uncomfortable threshold for the majority of the race. The 1500 also gives me a boost of confidence heading into the first steeple of the season which will be May 18th at Oxy. I can't wait to spike up again and continue to build off the momentum of last track season!

My favorite spring #flystyle so far is the Summer Rogas + the Two Timing Tank! I am already the biggest fan of Rogas, but I love how lightweight and movable the new Summer Rogas are. If it’s a little chilly then my go to is the Pocket Jogger Capris. The pocket jogger capris are the most comfortable capris I have worn. They are perfect for someone like me with tall legs. The mesh ends below my knee (which is hard to find in a capris style)!

Head up. Wings out. 

Let's have a great season! 

We were so thrilled to see Haute Volée Trisha Drobeck in Seattle a few weeks ago! At 34 weeks pregnant, she clearly had transitioned from Olympic Trials marathoner to mama-to-be with her usual Drobeck badassery! And she was such a good sport about changing about 20 times in as many minutes. Check out Trisha's favorite spring maternity #flystyle. And, enjoy this useful throwback from our running moms of Oiselle on training while pregnant and other pregnancy tidbits!

TRISHA: "I pretty much live in Oiselle gear now (1-2 sizes bigger though). I hate maternity pants, especially the ones that go over the belly... bleh!"

FLYTE TANK AND LONG SLEEVE - "Long enough to cover belly!"

ROGA SHORTS - "Roga Shorts are soft and fit great under belly."

FLYOUT SHORTS AND BIG BIRD RACERBACK TANK - "I love horizontal stripes over the belly! Makes me proud to show the bump off."

JOGGING KNICKERS AND SPRING WAZZIE WOOL RACERBACK - "Waist band goes great under the belly, run or work"

MIO MESH DRESS - "Loving the soft sheen of the fabric. This dress works for all trimesters. Great stand alone or with legging."

GIFTED VERRAZANO BRA + LUX PANTS - "The Gifted Verrazano is a must for pregnancy boobs! I sized up and this bra is perfect for running or just lounging. The colors make me happy too! And Lux Track Pants on the couch every night!" 

LUXIE TANK - "There nothing about Lux fabric that I don't just love. And this tank works as a base layer or standalone!"

UPDATE! Happy Birthday, Baby Drobeck! It's a girl, 19" & 5lbs 12oz., 3 1/2 weeks early left them unprepared... so name is coming. Congratulations, you two! 

When I lined up to race the Boston Marathon in 2009, I had no idea how much one race could change my life.

I had decided to run Boston after running my debut marathon in NYC in 2008. I fell in love with the distance, the craft of training properly, the challenge and beauty of it all. I made a lot of mistakes in NY and I immediately started thinking about what if I took more time to prepare, really got to know a course, how would I do? I set my sights on Boston 6 months later.

Building up to Boston I traveled and trained on the course. I made two trips to Beantown, running the course and visualizing what it would be like on Patriots Day. I immediately fell in love with the course. It was intimate, with big trees and neighborhoods. It felt like I was on a Sunday run, it didn’t feel as intimidating as the concrete jungle of NYC.  

I was given the book Boston Marathon by Tom Derderian and I devoured it. I read it cover to cover and I imagined my name being written in it. I wanted my story to be told, the year an American returned to Boston after a 26 year victory drought and won. And it would be me. That’s what I hoped for, that’s what I imagined. That’s what got me out of bed and through the training. I was obsessed with running into history.

I was open with my desire to win. I shared my lofty goal. And the city embraced it. They supported me on my visits through town, they gave me so much encouragement, they believed in me.  

So when I lined up, I was as prepared as could be. I was in love with the opportunity I was about to have. I was feeling so much love and support. I was ready to run.

Most people know what happened next. We ran the race. There was never a moment in 26 miles when people weren't yelling my name. We were slow, so slow as a group. I got antsy at 20 miles and took off. I narrowed the lead group from double digits down to 3. But I panicked, I doubted myself with 5 miles to go and backed off the accelerator. With a mile to go I was still in the lead, but as we headed down Boylston St. I found myself in 3rd. They out-sprinted me, and I had to settle for 3rd place.  

I was devastated. I had never before let myself be so exposed. I had let the whole world in to my goal and I didn’t complete it. I had gotten everyone’s hopes up and I had said that I would deliver, and I failed. It was both the most amazing and shattering experience of my running career. I had never felt like I had let so many people down in my life. I just wanted to go back in time, back to 5 miles to go and continue to accelerate, to see if I could have won in that way.  

It has been 9 years since I first ran the Boston Marathon. I still have never watched any race footage, it is still difficult to talk about. In fact, I am teary eyed as I type this out. But I have forgiven myself for not winning. Not only have I forgiven myself, but I have learned to appreciate Boston 2009. Over the years people have told me that it was the most inspiring race they saw, me going for it, fighting for the win. That has helped heal me and value what I did that day. I didn’t cross the line first, but I gave it all I had. I let everyone in, and they weren’t disappointed in me. They knew I did the best I could and that was enough.

I went back to Boston in 2011 where I finished 5th and had a 6 1/2 month baby waiting for me at the finish. I went back in 2013 where I finished 6th and felt the impact of the bomb both physically and emotionally. But it was that race in 2009 that will always stand out to me. It’s when I became vulnerable, but also when I became free.

Before April of 2016, I didn’t know what a Boston marathon qualifying (BQ) time meant. I had no reason to care. You see, I’ve always had a tough time identifying as an athlete. Athletes ran fast and I ran for fun. (Who knew you could do both?) But after the New York City Marathon in 2015 where I broke 4 hours for the first time (a feat that felt absolutely impossible), I started seeing myself differently.

Fast forward to April of 2016 when I got to spectate my very first Boston Marathon. I stood on the sidelines, screaming for my friends, and feeling a little too proud of my funny race day signs.

Later that night, I went to grab dinner and drinks to celebrate my friends who ran. My friend Kim asked me why I didn’t want to try to BQ. I’d had a few beers and without editing myself, I told her that I didn’t think I’d ever be able to take myself seriously enough to run a Boston Marathon qualifying time. I wasn’t an athlete, I was a fun runner.

I couldn’t shake what I’d just said, that I would never be able to run a BQ. After I ran my first traumatizing marathon, I promised myself that I would attempt anything I told myself I wasn’t capable of doing. Normally when I catch myself, a rush of adrenaline surges through my body and I passionately set out to make impossible possible. But this time, I just felt defeated. I didn’t walk away afraid of trying and failing. I knew I would fail and I didn’t even want to try.

I’m going to jump ahead here and spoil the ending. I did end up convincing myself to try for a BQ and I gave myself 6 months to do it. (I filmed the entire experience in a daily vlog called BQ or Bust if you’d like to watch me sweat and cry.) That fall, during the Chicago Marathon I didn’t BQ. I finished in 3 hours and 41 minutes, 6 minutes shy of my goal but disappointed isn’t a word I’d use to describe my finish, my race, or my training.

I really underestimated just how much training for a marathon could change my life.

Yes, the six months of training was really, really f*cking hard but it was hard in ways I didn’t expect. The physical stuff adapts. I had the help of an amazing human being and Sports Psychologist named Dr. Bob and the second he told me to stop choosing to suffer, and to take the pressure off of myself when I saw times I didn’t think I was capable of running, everything changed. He gave me the gift of no regrets, no excuses and I applied it to just about every aspect of my life.

Because doubt and the fear of failure are two things that I am constantly struggling with. No regrets, no excuses helped me redefine what it means to actually fail because failing is inevitable. But that’s the beauty of the journey. Sometimes you hit it, and sometimes you don’t. As long as you continue to fight with everything you have at that particular moment in time, failure isn’t an option because that’s all you can do.

Despite the fact that I missed my goal by 6 minutes, I ran the strongest I’d ever run in my entire life. I proved to myself that I wouldn’t quit when the going got tough. And I finally saw what I’m capable of when I show up every single day and give my personal best effort. I felt like I won and I knew I had to try again.

Today, I’m four weeks away from the London Marathon and my second attempt to qualify for the Boston Marathon. The good news? I feel strong as hell. The bad news? The flight to London was expensive. (OK, there’s no bad news!)

Where I used to panic about a particularly scary workout, now I slap a smile on my face, remind myself no regrets, no excuses, and I set out to see what happens. I’m still having a hard time trusting that I can run certain times but I finally threw “fast” out the window and replaced it with strong.

Fast doesn’t make sense to me. When I set out to run fast, I feel panicked and out of control. But when I run strong, I get to do what I do best, I get to have fun. I get to remember why I’m pushing myself and why I started running in the first place. I remember running my first half marathon and almost quitting at mile 11. I remember crossing the finish line of my first marathon and the day I broke 4 hours. Big, giant milestones that showed me what I was capable of when I was brave enough to set an impossible goal and then put in the work to make it happen.

It’s difficult to put into words just how grateful I am that I decided to run towards this “impossible” BQ. 11 months ago, I would never have imagined that I’d be running in a sports bra, feeling strong, and believing in myself the way I am today. It’s been the most physically and mentally exhausting 11 months of my life but this time, it’s different. I’m not afraid.

I know my strength and I know what I’m capable of.

People always say to set realistic goals. I say, keep them impossible. Realistic is a safe bet, shoot for the moon and give it everything you have. You may never achieve whatever it is you set out to do, but at least you had the courage to try.

No regrets, no excuses.

Boston 2018, see you there?

Experiencing life fully requires risk-taking, strength, and courage. Beth Gillespie always had the Boston Marathon in the back of her mind. But there were a series of what ifs holding her back from applying. It was scary. It was THE BOSTON MARATHON! What if she didn’t qualify? What if her pace was too slow? What if she was last to cross the finish line? After she weeded through her fears, she took a brave breath and changed her mind from what if? to why not? She threw her application into the mix and she was chosen to race. She had the strength to take a risk and the courage to share her story.

BY: BETH GILLESPIE

I ran my 18^th marathon last September with my running bestie at my side the entire race. I literally turned to her before the gun went off and said, we don’t have to do this you know, we could just cheer people on at the finish line. She laughed and started her Garmin. At the finish, after crying with joy to be done, I hugged her and said “how about we go whale watching the next time I come to visit?” I told her was ready to take a significant break from marathon training and running. And for the first time, in the 10 years I’d been running full marathons, I actually meant it.

Flashing back to the summer of 2010, my running bestie had moved to Seattle and after training for a marathon for the first time solo, I set out to recruit some new running friends. And much to my surprise, my circle of friends from my YMCA said YES! Beginning in June of that year, there were 6 of us who were training together to complete the Detroit Marathon. That summer I logged over 500 miles, in sync with new friends all around town.  We were consistent.  We had a plan. We balanced the distance with hill repeats and strength training. We laughed, we sweated, we spray painted mile markers on the road, and we ran and ran and ran. When I think about that training, I remember miles rolling by as we laughed. I remember the friendships that were formed on sunrise mile after sunset mile. I remember running happy, and running strong. I remember the fear and then power of starting to believe that my race goals were possible. I set my PR that October, 4:24:02. It was the race of a lifetime, and the only time I dropped under 4 and half hours for 26.2 miles.

I was at work when the email came in this past December.

A friend forwarded me an email sharing that Girls on the Run International and Hyland’s were joining forces to have a contest looking for women who were supporters of their amazing program, who could possibly inspire others, and be ready to run the BOSTON MARATHON in April. I remember re-reading the email, sitting back, and thinking “I could be ready to run a full in April.”  Then my legs screamed “YOU SAID NO MORE FULLS FOR AT LEAST 12 MONTHS,” but my heart responded with a quiet but firm “but, it’s the Boston Marathon.”

While the Boston Marathon is a goal for lots and lots and lots of runners, it was never on my list of possibilities. I would have to run my PR (which is nearly 6 years old) at the age of 64 to qualify to earn a spot on that course. I casually brought it up with my husband over dinner that night. He asked why I wouldn’t apply and see if I would be picked. “I’m scared.” He asked of what. I started listing off excuses; I didn’t qualify and in all likelihood never would. I was afraid of feeling that my pace would be too slow and would disappoint the sponsors. I was afraid I would be the last one to cross the finish line on Boylston Street. And when those excuses were out, the truth followed- I’m afraid I will be picked and fail. When those words slipped past my lips, I knew for that reason alone, I needed to throw my name in the hat.

And I was chosen. I cried when I read the email. And knew in my heart, that for the first time in a really, really, really long time I was ready to do the work. Run all the miles. Even when I was tired. Even when life got hectic. Even when the miles would feel lonely. So I went home, and pulled out that training plan from 2010. And got serious. And ordered a new pair of runners and some #flystyle to celebrate.

Am I scared? Of course. I know the pain of 26.2. I know the joy of the finish line and just how badly the miles can hurt. I know the exquisite delight of knowing you gave everything you had on the course, and how loud the voices of doubt can be. I also know, that I have been more committed to this training process than I have been to any training since moving and leaving my friends and Browns Lake Road.

Am I excited? HELL YES, Im excited This is the chance of a lifetime to run the BOSTON MARATHON! This will also be my first race, where I get to feel the power of a Oiselle cowbell corner from being on the course.  The thought of the power of that moment is strong enough to bring me to the brink of tears now. This team, the women on it, have the power to lift up, to encourage, to support, and to cheer like hell for each other. And that doesn’t change because one of us can run a 2:42 marathon and another can run a 5:15 marathon. And that matters more than I can say to me.  

And even if I am the very last runner to cross over that blue and yellow finish line, at least I had the courage to try. And you’d better believe that I will be carrying that medal, those miles, your cheers, and this experience, around with me for a long, long time.

- Beth

BY: AYESHA SUNDRAM

Much of my life, running and otherwise, has been spent wrangling with illusions of control. Mastery, to me, has always been a process of gaining control and discipline over something: thoughts, words, actions. There have been many times when this philosophy has yielded brilliant results in attaining personal and professional goals. There have also been times when it has been profoundly destructive, the most obvious example a decade lost down the rabbit hole of an eating disorder, chasing an always retreating point of arrival almost to the point of vanishing. Running, strangely enough, brought me back from my macabre journey, and since that time has been my constant companion in processing change.

When I allow myself to consider my life less as a point-to-point goal race and more like a grand adventure a la Barkley Marathon, a space opens up where I can consider that the goal is not to finish a race in a set time at a set pace but to have a joyful experience that will change me at my core. So it has been with becoming a mother. This first year has been transformative, difficult, and beautiful in ways I never could have anticipated. 

Before becoming pregnant, I knew exactly what kind of pregnant person I would be. I imagined how I’d manage motherhood while achieving Epic Feats in my career and in my running. I’d run until the day I gave birth, and I’d pick back up right where I left off 6 weeks after having my baby. I would gracefully and magically manage the competing demands of my career, my marriage, my health, and this new little human. My “comeback” would be quick and linear, and by the time my baby was walking, I’d be running ultramarathons again, in the same size clothes I’d worn before! I follow many inspiring mothers on social media, and I simply assumed that this specific and constrained mission I had of becoming a running Supermom was the ultimate and only destination for an ambitious and goal-oriented person such as myself. I didn’t consider that, as in trail running, sometimes the best adventures are those involving route finding and a glorious and unplanned scramble to a peak I didn’t realize I was climbing.

My journey to becoming pregnant quickly unsettled this tightly scheduled road map I’d envisioned, as my partner and I navigated infertility and the sudden realization that the journey we had dreamed about and planned for might be one we weren’t even able to start. In that time it took for me to get and stay pregnant, I had to wrangle with a dawning recognition that, like it or not, I was on a journey for which I didn’t have a map. Here was a decision point; I could cling tightly to my known world and experience the changes to come as a painful rupture of my Self, or open my eyes to this uncharted wilderness ahead and travel into this land of transition with a spirit of adventure, curiosity, and joy. In this first beautiful, chaotic, sweet year of motherhood, I’ve worked to inhabit this in-between space with gratitude and intention.

Running has not been the grounds to stage a comeback of my former self I imagined it would. After all, how could I come back to a person who was no longer me? Rather, running has been a way to mark changes as well as celebrate that which remains the same. This, more than running a specific time or distance, is what makes me a runner.  

Although at times I ache for the predictability and centeredness of my old life, there are days I catch glimpses of this new being I am becoming, and I am filled with hope and anticipation of what she, this mother runner who is strong, resilient, creative, resourceful, kind, and determined, will do next. I can’t write the part of the story that follows, or triumphantly tell of the arrival point after the wilderness. I’m still off the map, and I’m learning to love it here. I may have lost control, but in its place I’ve gained sweetness, connection, strength, endurance, patience, perspective, joy, and wonder. 

- Ayesha

Dear Spring Weather,

You mirror the yin and yang of my complicated mind. You can be warm, inviting, even confident. But you can also be cold, harsh, and create doubt in my head. You want me to embrace the sunshine and the summer vibe, but then you flip and want me to remember the grueling winter efforts, the days that make me who I am at the core.

You are all over the place. You are complicated and ever changing. You chose to be whomever you want to be, whenever you want to be.

And I’ve got to say, I love that about you. It’s like you take a glimpse of my complicated mind and act it out in the air. You are crazy and calm. You are beautiful and piercing. Never knowing what you will give, you keep me on my toes! You keep me guessing, and I love the complexity of our relationship.

But just make up your mind for today, because I need to dress for a run.

With love,

Dear Weather,

Just dropping a line to say nice try. You think you can beat me, but you underestimate me. You must be forgetting that I'm a New Yorker; I'm a runner; I'm a woman. I'm stronger than I look. So go ahead, throw your spastic temps at me. Fire your blizzards, your sleet, your sunshine, your slush. I'll take it all in stride. I'll climb your snowdrifts and dodge your puddles. Remember, spring, I ride the subway every day. Compared to that you're nothing. I see your winds, your highs your lows, your angsty inconsistencies and unpredictable downpours.

Thing is, you I never underestimate. I know you're bigger than me. I know you’ve got tricks up your sleeve. I know you've got a force I can't match. But I know how to fight. I have an arsenal of layers in my closet, an army of peers in my corner, and a resilience you can't topple. I’ve got wind at my back and under my wings. So bring it on, spring weather. You can’t stop me. I’ll keep running.

Sincerely yours,

Sophia